Excuse this post, its really just a venting/worry forum. The last few weeks have been hard. The peppers are finally ready for harvest, which means long hours. And while I help when I can (I did work 14 hours a few days ago) its mostly Rob out there doing everything. For example, today he left at 6:30 or 7 AM to go to work, and came back at 10:30, grabbed a shower, and went to bed at 11:30. Which means I got to see him a whole half an hour in between. I'm not a fan. I knew this would happen with farming and I'm not complaining really because I know it has to be done. It just kind of stinks that the average person gets 6PM-6AM with their spouse, plus all day Saturdays and Sundays, and I'm getting a half an hour here and there M-S and then Sundays when he doesn't have to water. I miss my husband.
Also Robert is way to busy to think about this now, but I'm stressing out on what on earth is going to happen after this month. We have pretty much ruled out the Big Ten, because Rob doesn't like the job or Chicago and I hate the cold. We have the option to move to Los Angeles for this radio job I picked up, if the money is good enough, but I'm slightly terrified of laying our whole life on the line for this. What if something doesn't work out? What if Rob can't find a job? What if housing doesn't work out and we spend all our money trying to stay afloat? I don't mind moving anywhere for Roberts jobs, but asking him to do that for mine makes me feel horrible and guilty and nervous, because if something goes wrong its my fault. And we have one month, really, to figure all this out, and that month is spent mostly trying to worry about the farm and not us. So I'm scared of suddenly looking at the time and either committing to another month in Cincinnati, which I don't want to do, or getting up and moving and completely changing our life again.
I'm scared. And stressed. And I really hate money.
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1 comments:
don't stress. pray. it's hard not to worry, but things will work out. they always do. AND, the bright side of farm life is that you're off half the year.
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